7 Pointers for Couples to Prevent & Resolve Misunderstandings

Linda and Tim have been married for two years. Because her work requires frequent traveling, come the weekend, Linda just wants to relax. She prefers solitary activities like reading or running. Tim, however, really misses his wife during the week. So on the weekends, he wants them to go out.

Before long, Tim starts viewing Linda’s desire to be alone as rejection of their marriage. Linda starts viewing Tim’s behavior as dismissive of her needs.

Relationship expert Mudita Rastogi, Ph.D, shared this common scenario. It’s easy to misunderstand our partner’s priorities and perspectives, especially when we’re quicker to get upset and slower to communicate directly.

The problem is that “miscommunication feeds on itself. Once couples get caught in a negative cycle of communication, they find it hard to correct it,” said Rastogi, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Arlington Heights, Ill.

Fortunately, by making several adjustments to how you communicate, you can prevent and solve misunderstandings much more effectively.

1. Avoid having to be “right.”

Instead of trying to understand how a situation has affected their partner, couples are too busy formulating their rebuttal, according to Meredith Hansen, Psy.D, a clinical psychologist with a private practice for couples in Newport, Calif.

“Couples get stuck in this dynamic… both end up hurt and one or both withdraws.” Rather than getting trapped on the miscommunication merry-go-round, relinquish your need to be right. Again, focus on listening to your partner’s point of view.

“At the end of the day, what matters most is that each partner feels emotionally validated in the relationship, not that one or the other is right about the most recent argument.”

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